FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – SOURCE: The NWO (NEW WORLD ORDER) Moscow Bureau
The following have been declared effective immediately:
1. The National Anthem changed to start with the following lines:
You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
2. An immediate new TAX on all citizens of 1 cent each to be applied once and for all to purchase a small island along the African or Hawaiian coast to exile the Obama tribe.
3. New Government functions to be filled immediately by the following personnel:
Barack Hussein Obama- Cactus grower in Putin’s Dacha
Joe Biden- Official Dacha Plumber
Eric Holder- Pigeon feeder at Official Ceremonies
Nancy Pelosi- Concubine of a toothless Soothsayer
Harry Reid- Decorated Puppet Master of the Tribal Council
FEMA DIRECTORATE – Temporary position slot open due to current holder’s incompetence PREFERENCE for position : Equal Opportunity Minority Candidate – a.k.a Elisabeth Warren (previous experience, lying about belonging to the Cherokee Indian Tribe)
SUPERVISOR OF WATER BOTTLING DEPARTMENT: Chris Christie (a large throne will be supplied)
GAS FILLING STATIONS’ SUPERVISOR: Colin P. decorated Veteran
TEMPORARY HOUSING AND RELOCATION: Another Kennedy
DEPARTMENT OF HOME LAND SECURITY: OPEN FOR A VOTE IN A SOUTH AMERICAN ELECTION TO BE ANNOUNCED
HEAD OF BANANA IMPORT DEPARTMENT: Ben Bernanke
DIRECTORATE OF OLD AGE PENSIONERS: Barney Frank – Under Secretary of the Diaper Change Department, Hillary Clinton- Under Secretary of the Washroom Inspectorate
WASHINGTON TOWN CRIER: BILL CLINTON but only temporarily as his main job is sucking on someone
OFFICIAL SPIN DEPARTMENT: Directorate Huff Post, Appointed official liars (previously filled by Journalists)- Debbie Wasserman Schmuck-
GOVERNMENT PIMP: David Axelrod, Rahm Emmanuel Under Licker
MINISTRY OF GOD: Position to be filled shortly- Requirements: National Union Leadership – or alternatively a Nation of Islam adherent
DEFENSE: General Ball Dropper -Decorated Benghazi War Hero, Holder of the Medal for African Liberation
BORDER SECURITY: Ex-Mongolian Border Guard Chief Aujo cometh quick the Third
HEAD OF PEANUT IMPORT TRADING BUREAU: Fat Cat Bloomberg
The positions listed in blue are required to be filled by those who would like to share their personal wealth with the “you did not build that” crowd.
All other government positions are abolished.
Believers in a Constitution will be punished immediately, believers in a Congress will be disqualified from all future government positions.
Until further notice: WHEEL BARRELS will be required to transport all old currencies to the scrap heap run by the Soros’ Foundations.
OUR REGULAR POSTING WILL CONTINUE NEXT WEEK. THANK YOU FOR VOTING! GOOD LUCK! HAPPY HUNTING OR GARDENING!